If I Could Buy a Dinosaur, I’m Pretty Sure I Would

As I  am want to do when I should be working on something with a very pressing deadline, I found myself surfing dinosaur stuff last night. I say stuff because there is no other catch all term that comes to mind that encompasses shoes, shirts, toys, wall art and dinosaur remains. Yes, you heard me right – dinosaur remains. I found two websites in particular that specialize in selling dinosaur remains although they both tend toward replicas more than actual prehistoric pieces. This got me to thinking, if I could shell out the cash that these guys would ask for a real live…well, dead piece of history would I? The answer of course is that if I could buy a dinosaur, I’m pretty sure I would.

Forget the Financial Aspect Let’s look at the Logistics if I were to Buy a Dinosaur

As I was perusing the selection of replica skulls and fossils I was caught in the act by my significant other who is all too familiar with my procrastination. I tried to explain to him the awesomeness of actually owning a Parasaurolophus skull, alas, I was met with a glassy glaze similar to the one I get when he tries to explain football. I explained to him that if it were financially feasible…hell, if it were even slightly feasible, I would jump at the chance to own my favorite dinosaur…or at least part of one. Then came the big question: “but where would you put it?”

…But Where Do We Put It?

You see the thing is that the skull of Parasaurolophus can max out at around 6 feet 7 inches tall and while there are no figures available on just how heavy the skull alone was, we can assume that sort of size is accompanied by weight. This leaves a couple of problems if I were to buy a dinosaur skull…there is very little “wiggle room” when it comes to maneuvering up the stairwell to my office. Then there is the consideration of where it would be hung…assuming it could be hung at all. Something that large would most certainly put a strain on the wall structure and I’m confident my black Lab doesn’t want his end to come as a result of falling dinosaur skull. So it would most probably sit on the floor.

The floor doesn’t seem like a very majestic place for such a majestic creature.

…So Would I Really Buy a Dinosaur?

True, there would be something incredibly awe inspiring about owning a real dinosaur skull, but in the same breath it would be haunting as well. I’m not talking about ghosts here either, I’m talking along the same lines of taxidermy. Taxidermy is creepy. Under no circumstances would I ever want a once dead, now stuffed full of…something, animal staring at me from up on my wall. Now I have to ask myself how much different would it be if I got my hands on a once living Parasaurolophus skull. There is still part of me in awe of the possibility of the opportunity to buy a dinosaur…but for now that part is locked in battle with the totally creeped out part of me that thinks about someone keeping my skull on their bookshelf millions of years from now.

Because seriously, that’s not how I want to be remembered.

So for now I think, perhaps if I were to buy a dinosaur, I’d go for the replica…that is, unless the real thing came along and then I might have to think about it a little more.